How To Take Charge Of Your "Self-Talk"

© Copyright 2009 Patrice Walker All rights reserved

Sleepless in Hawaii

I woke up in the wee hours this morning with a Blue Moon Lunar Eclipse shining through my bedroom window. As is often the case when I wake up in the middle of the night, a feeling of foreboding and anxiety was worming its way through my solar plexus and chest, creating an awful feeling of dread and doom.

I’d been struggling with a vexing problem for some time, and my usual pattern had been to let my imagination churn out awful scenario after awful scenario. That was the scene last night as I lay in bed imagining the worst possible outcomes for this particular situation.

But after living for years with mild anxiety brought on by an overactive imagination, I’ve been determined to put a stop to this negative self-talk and refuse to let it control me any longer.

Self-talk or inner dialogue is that constant voice in your head that NEVER shuts up. It’s what the Buddhist call the “monkey mind” because it jumps from subject to subject, in the same way that monkeys frenzily hop from tree branch to tree branch in the jungle, noisily chattering all the while.

It is usually unconscious; in other words, we're not aware that we're doing it when we do it. And when your mind is running amok with fear thoughts, you feel as if what you are thinking is actually real when, in fact, it is only “false expectations APPEARING real” (F.E.A.R.).

Nothing of what you’ve been thinking has actually occurred yet, but you believe that these are the only possible outcomes. It’s your mind playing the same broken record over and over again, an unconscious reaction to circumstances that has developed into an annoying and dangerous habit.

You’re not really thinking; you’re simply reacting to a predetermined set of thoughts that you perceive as real. And as you continue to focus on them, the perceived reality begins to externalize into the awful scenario you had imagined, and you say, “I told you so!”

Instead, why not take back control of your mind and begin thinking thoughts that serve you instead of harm you? This inner dialogue is always with us, except for the times when we intentionally quiet it (for example, during meditation), so it makes sense to think positive thoughts and generate the positive good feelings that accompany them as often as possible. This is especially important since thoughts are things, and if focused upon long enough, become your physical reality.

Here are two simple steps that I use to manage my own inner dialogue.

You have to catch yourself thinking negatively, preferably before it gets out of control and takes you over. There’s a part of you, often called the silent witness or observer, that can take a step back and observe what your mind is doing. Simply observe the negative self-talk, without judgment or criticism. There’s no guilt or feeling badly because you’re talking negatively to yourself. That will take you back into unconsciousness. View it as a habit that you’ve formed over the years that no longer serves you. And congratulate yourself for taking the steps to change it.

Observing negative self-talk dispassionately actually diffuses the emotions that accompany it.  You have disconnected your identity from your inner dialogue and realize that it isn’t who you are.  After all, if you can disassociate from it, then how can it be you?  And because the negative emotions are no longer being fed, they lose energy and dissipate.  When this starts to happen, you begin to feel better.  A sense of relief comes over you, and you are ready for the next step.

Don’t dismiss this critical first step.  It’s extremely difficult to jump from negative self-talk and its accompanying negative feelings into positive self-talk and feelings.  You must stop the negative self-talk first and experience that feeling of relief.  Observing your inner dialogue lets you do this easily.

Now you’re ready for the next step. You want to substitute the negative inner dialogue for more positive self-talk.

For example, if a problem has been keeping you awake at night, start thinking instead about the solution. I’m not talking about HOW you think you’ll be able to solve it. I want you to start imagining that the problem has already been solved. What does that look like? How would you feel if you knew your problem was solved?

If this seems too difficult, then simply start talking to yourself about things that feel good. I tell myself that I am a Master Manifester and feel immense gratitude that I can be, do and have anything I desire. Or simply think about all the things you're grateful for and appreciate in your life.

It may take a while to generate the positive feelings, but that’s ok. Even if your feelings don’t initially match your words, don’t stop. You’ll discover that, in a few minutes, you actually DO start to feel good. I’m finding these positive self-talk sessions to be a great way to spend wakeful hours at night when I can’t get back to sleep. It actually relaxes me, and I usually drift off to sleep in no time.

As you become more adept at consciously choosing the thoughts you think, the solutions that you have been searching for begin to pop into your mind, as if by magic. This happens because you’ve rid yourself of the static that the negative inner dialogue generated. This noise blocked the intuitive messages that hold the means by which your problem can be solved.

You’ll also start to experience those synchronicities that put you in the right place at the right time, leading you toward a better set of circumstances. Your world begins to shift and change, and you start living the life you’ve always dreamed of.

Your inner dialogue is a powerful tool. Use it to your advantage instead of letting it use you.